by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
There are many things in our culture that grab us and won't let go. Sometimes sex is one of them. Perhaps that's the case for you or your spouse/partner.
Sexual addiction plays a prominent role in the "I Can't Say No" kind of extramarital affair I outline in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair."
Before you continue with this article...be sure to sign up for this mind bending Free E-Course...
These questions are intended to help you be more aware of some behaviors that perhaps indicate that sex has a hold on you. If you answer yes to three or more questions it probably is wise to take a closer look at the place of sex in your life. 1) Do I have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places and/or with the wrong people?2) Do I make promises to myself or rules for myself concerning my sexual behavior that I find I cannot follow?Read on to learn how you can have this entire article, as well as hundreds of other helpful resources at your fingertips...
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Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know... and what you can do to help
Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.
Before you read on...be sure to sign up for this mind bending Free E-Course:
That may seem like a very steep number. However after two decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family therapist, I don't believe that number is off the charts. I worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who were never discovered.The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be involved in an extramarital affair (any of the three parties) is extremely high.
Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes in the person's habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something "out of character" but be unable to pinpoint what it is.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Before you read on...be sure to sign up for this mind bending Free E-Course:
That may seem like a very steep number. However after two decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family therapist, I don't believe that number is off the charts. I worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who were never discovered.The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be involved in an extramarital affair (any of the three parties) is extremely high.
Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes in the person's habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something "out of character" but be unable to pinpoint what it is.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Other Nuggets in this Short
Sue talks about the importance of waiting and the stages of waiting. Three periods of waiting:
1. Waiting for her crazy husband to change. (waste of time, but perhaps the first phase or stage of coping with infidelity)
2. Waiting for herself to be comfortable with her before she acted. (Now this is a challenge, but well worth the struggle)
3. Waiting for the process to complete. (Sue is now waiting to see what growth and decisisions her husband will make. She has a timeline of a few weeks [not months or years] to wait. If he continues down a path with the OP she will file for divorce. However, she is confident he is growing toward her and the marriage. Recent conversations and his changing behavior indicate so.) Sue can now wait with confidence, purpose and calmness after breaking through the wall of pain.
One more goodie from the tape: expectations.
Sue offers her wisdom and thinking on dealing with expectations. Great nuggets of truth.
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
1. Waiting for her crazy husband to change. (waste of time, but perhaps the first phase or stage of coping with infidelity)
2. Waiting for herself to be comfortable with her before she acted. (Now this is a challenge, but well worth the struggle)
3. Waiting for the process to complete. (Sue is now waiting to see what growth and decisisions her husband will make. She has a timeline of a few weeks [not months or years] to wait. If he continues down a path with the OP she will file for divorce. However, she is confident he is growing toward her and the marriage. Recent conversations and his changing behavior indicate so.) Sue can now wait with confidence, purpose and calmness after breaking through the wall of pain.
One more goodie from the tape: expectations.
Sue offers her wisdom and thinking on dealing with expectations. Great nuggets of truth.
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Courage to Face the Crud
In the second tape segment, you hear Sue and her experience of hitting the wall - the 3 week crying jag.
These tears were different than the tears/pain felt upon discovery of the affair. They had a different flavor and different purpose.
She knew she could not run away from these tears. If she did, they would only appear later, perhaps in more powerful destructive forms.
Was this "work" for Sue?
Did she invite these tears or did they just happen?
Did she have any control over them?
How did she break through?
What was on the other side?
Sue addresses these questions in the tape.
Also, as you listen, hear her insightful comments about her desire to yell and scream, make knee-jerk decisions and take action she might regret. (This has great application, in all affairs except perhaps #2: "I Don't Want to Say No.") See Break Free From the Affair for the characteristics of the 7 kinds of affairs.
Sue found wisdom, healing, confidence and calmness within. You can also. In reality, that's the ONLY place you will find it. What can you learn from Sue to help you get there?
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
These tears were different than the tears/pain felt upon discovery of the affair. They had a different flavor and different purpose.
She knew she could not run away from these tears. If she did, they would only appear later, perhaps in more powerful destructive forms.
Was this "work" for Sue?
Did she invite these tears or did they just happen?
Did she have any control over them?
How did she break through?
What was on the other side?
Sue addresses these questions in the tape.
Also, as you listen, hear her insightful comments about her desire to yell and scream, make knee-jerk decisions and take action she might regret. (This has great application, in all affairs except perhaps #2: "I Don't Want to Say No.") See Break Free From the Affair for the characteristics of the 7 kinds of affairs.
Sue found wisdom, healing, confidence and calmness within. You can also. In reality, that's the ONLY place you will find it. What can you learn from Sue to help you get there?
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Sue's Fabulous Four Strategies for Breaking Through the Wall of Pain and a 180° Shift in Feelings
If you listened closely you heard four powerful strategies that Sue used and you can intentionally use as well to break through and break free.
1. Learn. Keep learning. Keep looking at it. Sue read Break Free From the Affair not once, but often. Learning about infidelity is like learning a new language. You see, there are many myths and misconceptions about infidelity that if you don't address, will keep you stuck in the never-ending agony. Keep looking at it until you feel your negative thinking shift.
2. Sue relished support. The blog. the chat room became her home away from home. Now a chat room may not be for everyone, but the bottom line - you need some form of support. And, support is often hard to find. Family, friends and others are usually clueless about infidelity and offer simplistic, not helpful advice. You need someone, someplace that will affirm you, will honor you, will truly "get" you and maybe, sometimes, laugh and cry with you.
3. Sue sought input. She read Break Free From the Affair.She read other books. She read others' blog postings. She listened to those in the chat room. She knew she needed to learn. She knew she must think differently. She soaked up as much knowledge as she could. It percolated within her. And, one day, the confusion vanished and there is was - clear, making perfect sense, feeling just right.
4. Sue was brave enough to try something different. She took the input of others and planned a course of action. She acted differently. She tried on new behaviors. She experimented and evaluated the results. She shared these results with her new-found friends, receiving the input and support she needed again and then moved on to her next chapter.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
1. Learn. Keep learning. Keep looking at it. Sue read Break Free From the Affair not once, but often. Learning about infidelity is like learning a new language. You see, there are many myths and misconceptions about infidelity that if you don't address, will keep you stuck in the never-ending agony. Keep looking at it until you feel your negative thinking shift.
2. Sue relished support. The blog. the chat room became her home away from home. Now a chat room may not be for everyone, but the bottom line - you need some form of support. And, support is often hard to find. Family, friends and others are usually clueless about infidelity and offer simplistic, not helpful advice. You need someone, someplace that will affirm you, will honor you, will truly "get" you and maybe, sometimes, laugh and cry with you.
3. Sue sought input. She read Break Free From the Affair.She read other books. She read others' blog postings. She listened to those in the chat room. She knew she needed to learn. She knew she must think differently. She soaked up as much knowledge as she could. It percolated within her. And, one day, the confusion vanished and there is was - clear, making perfect sense, feeling just right.
4. Sue was brave enough to try something different. She took the input of others and planned a course of action. She acted differently. She tried on new behaviors. She experimented and evaluated the results. She shared these results with her new-found friends, receiving the input and support she needed again and then moved on to her next chapter.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Infidelity and Pain: Discover Exactly how Sue Catapulted Through her 3-Week Crying Jag and Meltdown
...helping her jump huge infidelity hurdles and take confident calm action she KNEW was right for her and held the only hope for saving her marriage
Dr. Huizenga here.
Isn't it truly amazing how circumstances sometimes flow together to offer to us what we really need - and as they flow we are clueless about their importance?
A couple months ago I ventured into the chat room to check out the software that was acting up. While there I struck up a short conversation with a Sue. I enjoyed our short chat, but didn't think any more about it.
A while later I offered free Laser (15 minute) coaching sessions. Sue registered.
Sue was one of my last sessions. I called and said, "This is Dr. Huizenga, calling for our Laser Coaching." She gasped, started laughing, and began apologizing.
She said she was feeling so good that she forgot about the session. She was sorry but she had no idea what questions to ask or talk about. This might be a waste our time?
But, we continued. And what emerged was truly amazing. Sue encapsulated the healing change process that I witness with so many struggling with infidelity. She eloquently, with joy and passion shared her inspiring journey.
I want to share part of Sue's story with you, hoping you too find hope courage and solid direction on your often painful journey.
First, a little background.
Sue discovered her husband's affair about 7 months ago. They talk regularly and she states he is growing tremendously. However he continues to live with the OP, although says he considers leaving.
Sue felt the deep pain for the first 6 months and then about 6 weeks ago had a "break through." The pain was replaced with confident and positive feelings.
Your Hurdles Scream at You: Your Life will NEVER be the Same
There are the "firsts" after infidelity discovery. The first Christmas. The first birthday. The first Valentine's Day. The first anniversary. The first visit to a special restaurant. It can be a long list.
Each is a hurdle. Each is a foreboding moat to cross.
For Sue, it was getting on a plane and taking her first trip alone. It was her hurdle - and as it turned out, her last major hurdle.
Prior to her jump over this last hurdle, Sue had a meltdown - a night and day crying jag that lasted for 3 weeks. Heart wrenching. Painful. Will-never-seem-to-end agony.
And then, one morning, it was over. A new day. A new perspective. New feelings. The pain, the agony, the endless days of tears were done.
What happened? What thrust her through that wall of agony with such power, force and finality?
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Dr. Huizenga here.
Isn't it truly amazing how circumstances sometimes flow together to offer to us what we really need - and as they flow we are clueless about their importance?
A couple months ago I ventured into the chat room to check out the software that was acting up. While there I struck up a short conversation with a Sue. I enjoyed our short chat, but didn't think any more about it.
A while later I offered free Laser (15 minute) coaching sessions. Sue registered.
Sue was one of my last sessions. I called and said, "This is Dr. Huizenga, calling for our Laser Coaching." She gasped, started laughing, and began apologizing.
She said she was feeling so good that she forgot about the session. She was sorry but she had no idea what questions to ask or talk about. This might be a waste our time?
But, we continued. And what emerged was truly amazing. Sue encapsulated the healing change process that I witness with so many struggling with infidelity. She eloquently, with joy and passion shared her inspiring journey.
I want to share part of Sue's story with you, hoping you too find hope courage and solid direction on your often painful journey.
First, a little background.
Sue discovered her husband's affair about 7 months ago. They talk regularly and she states he is growing tremendously. However he continues to live with the OP, although says he considers leaving.
Sue felt the deep pain for the first 6 months and then about 6 weeks ago had a "break through." The pain was replaced with confident and positive feelings.
Your Hurdles Scream at You: Your Life will NEVER be the Same
There are the "firsts" after infidelity discovery. The first Christmas. The first birthday. The first Valentine's Day. The first anniversary. The first visit to a special restaurant. It can be a long list.
Each is a hurdle. Each is a foreboding moat to cross.
For Sue, it was getting on a plane and taking her first trip alone. It was her hurdle - and as it turned out, her last major hurdle.
Prior to her jump over this last hurdle, Sue had a meltdown - a night and day crying jag that lasted for 3 weeks. Heart wrenching. Painful. Will-never-seem-to-end agony.
And then, one morning, it was over. A new day. A new perspective. New feelings. The pain, the agony, the endless days of tears were done.
What happened? What thrust her through that wall of agony with such power, force and finality?
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Emotional Infidelity: A Love Affair or Just Friends?
by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
A common plea: But, we're "just friends." However the "emotional connection" is quite obvious by the amount of time spent in communication and the "vibes" that are set off.
These emotional connections often arise at work or in a social context in which working intensively toward a common goal consumes energy.
Here are a few observations of the "just friends" emotional affair:
1. This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%. Other aspects of his/her life may suffer or be ignored. There often is a lack of personal balance between family, work, self care.
2. He/she struggles with intimacy. (I want to be close to someone, but don't like intimacy.) The "just friends" emotional affair means neither spouse nor OP (other person) ever get "intimate." Neither relationship is fully consummated or has potential for growth.
3. Of course the "just friends" comment means either "stay away" or I'm, underneath all this, really confused about where I fit in relationships, what I want from them, or what they mean to me. There is an "emotional connection" to the OP that defies description. A sad kind of "stuckness or lostness."
The lover or "falling in love" emotional affair has a different twist.
The remainder of this article is found in our members only section, the Infidelity Insider. For more information, please read on...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
A common plea: But, we're "just friends." However the "emotional connection" is quite obvious by the amount of time spent in communication and the "vibes" that are set off.
These emotional connections often arise at work or in a social context in which working intensively toward a common goal consumes energy.
Here are a few observations of the "just friends" emotional affair:
1. This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%. Other aspects of his/her life may suffer or be ignored. There often is a lack of personal balance between family, work, self care.
2. He/she struggles with intimacy. (I want to be close to someone, but don't like intimacy.) The "just friends" emotional affair means neither spouse nor OP (other person) ever get "intimate." Neither relationship is fully consummated or has potential for growth.
3. Of course the "just friends" comment means either "stay away" or I'm, underneath all this, really confused about where I fit in relationships, what I want from them, or what they mean to me. There is an "emotional connection" to the OP that defies description. A sad kind of "stuckness or lostness."
The lover or "falling in love" emotional affair has a different twist.
The remainder of this article is found in our members only section, the Infidelity Insider. For more information, please read on...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
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