Walking the dogs and taking his cell phone with him.
In my recent research on emotional affairs (type #4: "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love") I asked the question in a survey: "When did you first notice the signs? What were the signs?"
Here are just a few of the responses:
SPOENDING MORE TIME WITH HIM THAN FAMILY.
he was very cold and un responsive. acting very quietly. secretive phone calls. didn't want to be seen with his family in public. didn't want to participate in family parties and gatherings. very aggressive towards me and my mother. coming home late at night. refusing to have family dinner with us. wanted to eat out and alone all the time.
he started coming home late at night...
almost immediately, distance, anger, not communicating well, uncaring
He traveled to the town on Saturday instead of Sunday for work.
Staying out late. Caught him the first night they kissed.
It took me 4 weeks to figure it out! Not coming home for dinner, not calling me during the day
looked up the records for the first time and saw over 600 text messages and calls between them in one month and they hadn't not talked for only 4 days in 3 months. I confronted her and she said they were best friends. Later I intercepted two incredibly intimate e-mails, then I put a GPS on her car and saw they were going to motels almost every week.
knew they were calling each other and having a private relationship over the telephone and email. She sent him two c.d.'s with love songs that I found.
I was told he was seen with this woman in a restaurant in another town.
He began spending more time at work, and less time at home.
The signs were pretty obvious even if I tried to ignore them at the time. It started out as constant text messaging. She then started hiding in the basement to make phone calls. I then decided to check up on her by reading her messages on her phone and that more than confirmed my suspicion.
In October of 2007, my wife became engrossed in the "IJ" summit and seemed to put everything else on the back burner.
I didn't notice anything as i was preoccupied with the new baby. He told me he was leaving. Looking back he was lying about where he was
She was very flirtatious with him for a very long time, it was obvious she had a "crush" on him -- I looked the other way thinking it was innocent, she was married, and wasn't his type.
They were friends for several years. More recently he had started taking her to lunch frequently.
I began to notice it in the emails and from the phone calls. He became to be distant, cold and find faults with me.
I noticed the signs when we were on holiday as a family in Finland and went for a walk together and he literally disappeared for 2 hours! We nearly sent out a search party as we thought he might have fallen or drowned. When he suddenly turned up he looked strange and when we vented our anger as he reacted as if nothing had happenend he got angry with us and said we exagerated. He acted very unusual as if he was on another planet.
He encouraged me to spend more and more time at our Florida house so I could spend more time with our grandchildren. That way he had more free time to pursue her without me around. He received calls from her at strange times when he was visiting me in Florida. He really did not seem happy when I would plan to return to our home in Ohio.
For all of Dr. Huizenga's articles and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
The KEY Question You Ask and MUST have Answered even though you probably don’t know you are asking it. Part II
I stirred the pot. Boy did I get the emails with the article: The KEY Question You Ask and MUST have Answered even though you probably don’t know you are asking it.
If you missed it go to my blog: http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog and read the article.
I've observed thousands of people suffering from infidelity and, from my point of view, there is one underlying question that almost all ask. After a time of reflection and work at healing the pain, they "get it" and the question is answered.
I didn't divulge in the article "the question." Hence the emails: WHAT IS THE QUESTION?
I feel compelled to follow up.
I am very reluctant to give you the question for a number of solid reasons.
1. First, I don't want you to give me too much power. And, power is a key issue. In reality, I don't want you to give anyone more power than they deserve. This is often the case in infidelity. The offended partner often gives excessive power to the partner and or the other person. Every word and thought of the offended partner tends to hang on what the offending partner is saying or doing or not saying or doing. The offended spouse feels victimized, helpless and at the mercy of the other relationship. Why in the world would anyone give that much power to a person(s) who is clueless, lost and committing slow relational and familial suicide? And, often, when shifts in that power are made by the offended partner, dramatic changes occur. I hear it daily from those I coach and send me testimonials on the power of Break Free From the Affair.
I want you to claim your power. Don't hand it over easily, even to me!
2. If I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. In some ways the question is fairly obvious and you may dismiss it as too simplistic.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
If you missed it go to my blog: http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog and read the article.
I've observed thousands of people suffering from infidelity and, from my point of view, there is one underlying question that almost all ask. After a time of reflection and work at healing the pain, they "get it" and the question is answered.
I didn't divulge in the article "the question." Hence the emails: WHAT IS THE QUESTION?
I feel compelled to follow up.
I am very reluctant to give you the question for a number of solid reasons.
1. First, I don't want you to give me too much power. And, power is a key issue. In reality, I don't want you to give anyone more power than they deserve. This is often the case in infidelity. The offended partner often gives excessive power to the partner and or the other person. Every word and thought of the offended partner tends to hang on what the offending partner is saying or doing or not saying or doing. The offended spouse feels victimized, helpless and at the mercy of the other relationship. Why in the world would anyone give that much power to a person(s) who is clueless, lost and committing slow relational and familial suicide? And, often, when shifts in that power are made by the offended partner, dramatic changes occur. I hear it daily from those I coach and send me testimonials on the power of Break Free From the Affair.
I want you to claim your power. Don't hand it over easily, even to me!
2. If I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. In some ways the question is fairly obvious and you may dismiss it as too simplistic.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
The KEY Question You Ask and MUST have Answered even though you probably don't know you are asking it
What's the KEY to surviving an affair and eventually moving beyond it with a sense of relief and increasing joy?
Well, when the agony and betrayal of the affair envelops you and soaks into every cell of your body, mind and spirit, there is one question that you ask. You ask it over and over again.
And, you are probably not aware that you are asking it. It resides just below the surface of your thoughts. But, believe me it's there. You want it answered.
I was coaching someone recently and she "got it." We touched on the core of this question. There was silence. And then muffled tears. They were tears of relief, not sadness, agony or resentment. Her breathing slowed. She reached down and realized this was the question. She received the answer - if just for that moment.
Don't muddle in the affair. I've heard, counseled and seen countless people unwilling to shake the memories, the images, the rage and sense of helplessness.
A cauldron of anger lies just below the surface and is easily ignited. On edge, unwilling to give and welcome. Reluctant to EVER trust themselves to another person again. Their life of quiet desperation goes on and on and on...
They avoided, ignored, never faced the question and therefore received no answer, no relief, no joy.
You see, I know what the question is. It's not because I have a doctorate, am smarter, wiser or a guru. I walked blindly for years. And then I walked through the valley. The question kept emerging. I would push it away until it no longer would tolerate my blindness.
And, then I got it. Partially at first and then exponentially the fog was lifted.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Well, when the agony and betrayal of the affair envelops you and soaks into every cell of your body, mind and spirit, there is one question that you ask. You ask it over and over again.
And, you are probably not aware that you are asking it. It resides just below the surface of your thoughts. But, believe me it's there. You want it answered.
I was coaching someone recently and she "got it." We touched on the core of this question. There was silence. And then muffled tears. They were tears of relief, not sadness, agony or resentment. Her breathing slowed. She reached down and realized this was the question. She received the answer - if just for that moment.
Don't muddle in the affair. I've heard, counseled and seen countless people unwilling to shake the memories, the images, the rage and sense of helplessness.
A cauldron of anger lies just below the surface and is easily ignited. On edge, unwilling to give and welcome. Reluctant to EVER trust themselves to another person again. Their life of quiet desperation goes on and on and on...
They avoided, ignored, never faced the question and therefore received no answer, no relief, no joy.
You see, I know what the question is. It's not because I have a doctorate, am smarter, wiser or a guru. I walked blindly for years. And then I walked through the valley. The question kept emerging. I would push it away until it no longer would tolerate my blindness.
And, then I got it. Partially at first and then exponentially the fog was lifted.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Astronaut Crashes! I'm Not Surprised
The internet and newspapers in the last couple days have the love triangle of astronauts Lisa Nowak and William Oefelein and engineer Colleen Shipman front and center. The implication: We can't believe such a thing could happen. And, how in the world did it happen?
One of our cultural icons has been tipped and ripped.
But it does make sense why such a tragedy can happen (and love triangles are tragedies).
We can learn. If we choose we can empathize with all the victims in this triangle. And, we can twist our thinking a tad so we might see ourselves for who we really are - the good, the bad and a lot of in-between.
The article this morning read: "No one at the space agency saw any sign that Nowak was troubled..." Well, folks, everyone is troubled. I assume what they meant to say was "troubled THAT MUCH." Her behavior crossed a line and that was troubling not only for her, the other two in the triangle, but for NASA and those of us who believe this national icon serves as a model.
Let's take a closer look at Lisa, or more accurately whom she represents.
Lisa is a model of power: the power of intelligence, the power of "can-do," the power of physical toughness, the power of perfectionism, the power of narrow focus and determination to reach goals.
Here are some observations on this love triangle and the pursuit of this form of power.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
One of our cultural icons has been tipped and ripped.
But it does make sense why such a tragedy can happen (and love triangles are tragedies).
We can learn. If we choose we can empathize with all the victims in this triangle. And, we can twist our thinking a tad so we might see ourselves for who we really are - the good, the bad and a lot of in-between.
The article this morning read: "No one at the space agency saw any sign that Nowak was troubled..." Well, folks, everyone is troubled. I assume what they meant to say was "troubled THAT MUCH." Her behavior crossed a line and that was troubling not only for her, the other two in the triangle, but for NASA and those of us who believe this national icon serves as a model.
Let's take a closer look at Lisa, or more accurately whom she represents.
Lisa is a model of power: the power of intelligence, the power of "can-do," the power of physical toughness, the power of perfectionism, the power of narrow focus and determination to reach goals.
Here are some observations on this love triangle and the pursuit of this form of power.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Romance is Overrated - Get Over It and Move Beyond It!
Almost daily I encounter those entangled in a kind of extramarital affair I describe as "I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love."
The cheating or "offending" spouse has encountered someone where there are "sparks!"
Here are common phrases: (to the spouse) "I love you but am not 'in love' with you. The romance in our marriage is gone. I found someone who really loves me." (self thoughts) "I don't want to settle. I have a lot of love to give. He/she treats me like no one else. I feel special with the other person."
The "offended spouse" often responds with increased or new romantic gestures. They fall flat.
At the core of this kind of affair is a deeply engrained belief that "romance" is the savior and benchmark of a great marriage or intimate relationship.
Here are some reflections on romance:
1. "Romance" is subtly touted in our culture (USA) as the ultimate experience in an intimate relationship. Romance is idealized in movies and books as the ecstasy of being "in love." We can't get enough (hugely profitable grocery counter tabloids) of which "stars" are currently "in love" with whom. And, it often does not matter (really) if the are married. Oh gosh, to be like that, to experience that. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
The cheating or "offending" spouse has encountered someone where there are "sparks!"
Here are common phrases: (to the spouse) "I love you but am not 'in love' with you. The romance in our marriage is gone. I found someone who really loves me." (self thoughts) "I don't want to settle. I have a lot of love to give. He/she treats me like no one else. I feel special with the other person."
The "offended spouse" often responds with increased or new romantic gestures. They fall flat.
At the core of this kind of affair is a deeply engrained belief that "romance" is the savior and benchmark of a great marriage or intimate relationship.
Here are some reflections on romance:
1. "Romance" is subtly touted in our culture (USA) as the ultimate experience in an intimate relationship. Romance is idealized in movies and books as the ecstasy of being "in love." We can't get enough (hugely profitable grocery counter tabloids) of which "stars" are currently "in love" with whom. And, it often does not matter (really) if the are married. Oh gosh, to be like that, to experience that. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Infidelity Quickie #8: Cheated Three Times - Who's In Control?
by Dr. Robert Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach
Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.
In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.
I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.
The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.
Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:
IMPACT --- * FEEL INFERIOR, LESS OF A MAN, BEATEN, A FOOL. * USED * BETRAYED * SAD --- CHANGE --- * NO FAITH IN MARRIGE OR WEMON * BROKEN HEART (X3) THAT MAY NEVER HEAL * NO TRUST FOR MY WIFE --- SPENDING TIME --- * EXCERCISE/WIEGHT LIFTING/TAKING CARE OF MYSELF * CONSTANT SURVEILANCE; CELL PHONE BILLS/COMPUTER * PONDERING LIFE WITH A REAL COMPANION. This is the third time I have been cheated on. My current wife an I are still together but it is not the same. She wants me to forgive her. She has no idea what this has done to me. I am a good looking and successful man, yet she had a fling anyway with another married man at the urging of whom were once her friends. She is not capable of taking care of herself. In fact she was fired for lack of performance and "misuse" of the internet at work. This was most likely the e-mails she was exchanging with the other man. Her former employer liked me very much; however, they had their reasons to fire her. She is now a house wife now. I feel she is waiting for Mr.Wonderful ($) to come along a rescue her. In the meantime I have developed an insecurity problem and am trying to deal with this the best I can. I think she really does love me but she does this because she can't help it. Time will tell. I don't think I have control of this one.
Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach
Acknowledge that fact that you offer a tremendous amount of stability, something which most likely is very attractive to her.
Acknowledge the fact that she has some underlying problem (a history which includes abuse? Or a history in which others overindulged her but were emotionally absent?)
List 10 things you want in a good marital relationship.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.
In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.
I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.
The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.
Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:
IMPACT --- * FEEL INFERIOR, LESS OF A MAN, BEATEN, A FOOL. * USED * BETRAYED * SAD --- CHANGE --- * NO FAITH IN MARRIGE OR WEMON * BROKEN HEART (X3) THAT MAY NEVER HEAL * NO TRUST FOR MY WIFE --- SPENDING TIME --- * EXCERCISE/WIEGHT LIFTING/TAKING CARE OF MYSELF * CONSTANT SURVEILANCE; CELL PHONE BILLS/COMPUTER * PONDERING LIFE WITH A REAL COMPANION. This is the third time I have been cheated on. My current wife an I are still together but it is not the same. She wants me to forgive her. She has no idea what this has done to me. I am a good looking and successful man, yet she had a fling anyway with another married man at the urging of whom were once her friends. She is not capable of taking care of herself. In fact she was fired for lack of performance and "misuse" of the internet at work. This was most likely the e-mails she was exchanging with the other man. Her former employer liked me very much; however, they had their reasons to fire her. She is now a house wife now. I feel she is waiting for Mr.Wonderful ($) to come along a rescue her. In the meantime I have developed an insecurity problem and am trying to deal with this the best I can. I think she really does love me but she does this because she can't help it. Time will tell. I don't think I have control of this one.
Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach
Acknowledge that fact that you offer a tremendous amount of stability, something which most likely is very attractive to her.
Acknowledge the fact that she has some underlying problem (a history which includes abuse? Or a history in which others overindulged her but were emotionally absent?)
List 10 things you want in a good marital relationship.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
Infidelity Quickie #7: Three Years and Counting
by Dr. Robert Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach
Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.
In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.
I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.
The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.
Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:
I spend more time by myself, thinking about myself. I do not trust my partner yet after 3 years. I think about my partner’s affair daily. I stay for my children’s sake.
Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach
Continue spending time in reflection. Keep a journal, if you like to write. Give some structure to your thinking, so you can see movement.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
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Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.
In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.
I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.
The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.
Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:
I spend more time by myself, thinking about myself. I do not trust my partner yet after 3 years. I think about my partner’s affair daily. I stay for my children’s sake.
Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach
Continue spending time in reflection. Keep a journal, if you like to write. Give some structure to your thinking, so you can see movement.
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
The full Mini-ebook is one of many practical resources located in the Infidelity Insiders Members Area.
Join the Infidelity Insiders and have all of the articles at your fingertips. Soak in his practical, hard-hitting advice. Begin to formulate your own strategies to help you break free.
Become a LIFETIME MEMBER of Infidelity Insider now.
For more details click here
Get It & Download It Now
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